HOW TO USE WHAT TO EXPECT THE TODDLER YEARS
According to Heidi Murkoff 2009 book, What To Expect, The Toddler Years,
There are only a few absolutes in parenting (one of which is that every kid needs to be loved) and no one 'correct approach' (with the exception of concerns impacting a kid's safety and health).
Various parenting strategies work for various children (even within the same family, and the same kid in various situations); various parenting methods fit various parents and the same parents at different stages of life.
What You Might Be Doing Right Now, Toddlers
Every youngster is distinct; everyone grows in his or her own way. Comparisons are ineffective because few children are absolutely average or normal. And, though we may be worried about the youngster who lags behind his or her friends, that youngster may subsequently make huge strides ahead, catching up to, if not exceeding, them.
Nonetheless, most of us, at least once in a while, want to know how our own kid is doing in comparison to other children. We've devised a monthly milestone scale of accomplishments for the second year, and a quarterly milestone scale for the third year, to assist you evaluate where your toddler's development sits within the whole broad range of normal. These scales are based on the well-known Denver II scale, plus a few additions from the well-known ELM (Early Language Milestone) scale.
Here's how it works: Each milestone scale in the ‘What Your Toddlers May Be Doing Now' series is split into four areas. The first part, 'What your child should be able to achieve,' outlines developmental milestones that 90% of toddlers have achieved by that age. The second part, under 'What your toddler will most likely be able to achieve,' lists developmental milestones that 75 percent of toddlers have met. The final section, titled ‘What your toddler may be able to achieve,' comprises developmental milestones that have been met by 50% of children. And the fourth, ‘What your toddler may even be able to achieve,' includes milestones attained by 25% of children.
Most parents will see their toddlers excelling in many areas at the same time. Some parents may see that their children constantly fall into the same group; others may see that their child's general growth is uneven, appearing one month and then disappearing the next.
Unless shown differently, all of these developmental patterns are totally normal. There are situations, though, when a doctor should be contacted. For instance, when a kid continually fails to do what a kid his or her age "should be able to accomplish," or when a parent has a gut sense that something is wrong with the kid's development. Even though an examination is a smart move, it may turn out that no issue exists. Some children continue to grow normally, though at a slower rate than the average. If you find yourself obsessively comparing your kid to the norms, you may be better off just glancing at the milestone scales seldom, if at all. Your kid will grow normally – and you (and your toddler) may be happier as a result.
Remember that toddlers, like newborns, do not grow in a straight line. There are several humps, surges, and lulls. The time leading up to a huge step is frequently one of organization—nothing seems to go right; then, all of a sudden, the youngster is walking or talking like a pro. Periods of seeming stagnation, in which there seems to be no growth, are really spent honing and extending new talents; they are required for proper growth. During times of stress, progress may be slowed or even reversed. Toddlers frequently go straight back on track with sufficient help at such times.
A Word of Advice to Nontraditional Families
Nowadays, there is more than one approach to raise a family. Though the so-called "conventional" home—in which a married couple raises their children together—remains the norm, a growing number of youngsters are being raised in atypical settings. More and more families are led by single parents, generally moms, sometimes by choice, more frequently by necessity. While they remain a tiny percentage, various sorts of non-traditional families are on the rise, including those led by single dads, unmarried heterosexual or same-sex couples, mothers and dads sharing custody in different houses, and grandparents raising grandchildren.
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